Bob, May I Present Mrs. Palme and Her Daughters?

Dear Author had an interesting discussion recently that touched on the value of including masturbation scenes in romance novels.  I have an irrational and a rational objection to this, but first, I want to give the best argument in favor that I can.

{If the word masturbation bothers you, you won't want to read any further.  But there's nothing more explicit than the word itself in this post, and frankly, reading the phone book might be sexier.}

Romance novel heroines should be smart, sexually confident and self-fulfilled, which means that they masturbate.  There are situations of sexual frustration in many romance novels where the smart thing for a character to do (male or female) is relieve that frustration for themselves.  While it may be romantic for a protagonist to think that only sex with the other protag will satisfy the craving for intimacy, that's not true when it comes to the purely physical sensation of orgasm.  And for women, in particular, it risks being insulting to suggest that she can't bring herself to orgasm and needs the hero to accomplish that goal.  Therefore, it's evidence of her sexual autonomy to include a scene in a romance novel that demonstrates she does know how to get the job done when alone.

If I have missed something, or you feel that's not an adequate argument in favor of masturbation in romance novels, let me know in the comments.

There is one other argument in favor, and it's a subjective one:  Readers may find it sexy.  I don't (personally), and I do think that's a point people will know for themselves.

My irrational objection is also aesthetic.  In the 60s black & white movie, Rachel, Rachel, Joanne Woodward masturbates (not very explicitly) with the voice-over line: "It's just to make me sleep."  It's such a sad scene, with Woodward's character so lonely and bereft, and it has stayed with me for decades.  It doesn't make me think less of masturbation; it makes me think less of masturbation scenes.  (You may need to see the film to know what I'm talking about.)  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to detach the melancholy of the movie version when I read a masturbation scene in a romance novel.  (Not true with erotica, I hasten to add.  Where the characters in a book are striving for better and more varied sexual experiences, masturbation can be a nice addition to the mix.  But where characters are striving for a romantic connection, as in a romance novel, masturbation seems counterintuitive to me.)

Here, now, are my rational reasons for not favoring masturbation scenes in romances.

• Romance novels are about two people striving to form an emotional connection.  It's not that they mustn't masturbate while they're working toward that end -- and I completely agree that scenes or internal monologues that suggest that the protagonists wouldn't dream of masturbating or that masturbation "wouldn't work" are silly -- but how does a scene in which one or both characters masturbate (separately but perhaps unintentionally in unison) further the story of their coming together romantically?  
• Similarly, romances tend to leave out certain bodily functions (also nouns ending in -ation) because while clearly the characters need to do those things, the reader doesn't need to read about them.  There are exceptions to this rule based on public health concerns, most obviously the use of condoms (although the noun is not "condomnation").  The point at which a condom should be used does arise in sex scenes and not to mention the couple's use of protection might suggest they magically don't need to.  That would be an unfortunate message to readers, as all sex (in romances and in real life) should be safe, and pretty much universally the characters in romance novels don't yet have reason to be certain unprotected sex would be safe.  (Verbal assurances are not enough.)
• We have good reason to believe that women know how to masturbate successfully and don't need pointers or reminders.  According to Shere Hite's research in the early 70s, 97% of women surveyed were able to masturbate to orgasm.  Her sampling methods have been questioned with respect to other conclusions, but I don't know of anyone suggesting she got that specific number wrong.  And the intervening years, that number is unlikely to have gone down.  If women in real life know how to masturbate, it seems safe for readers to assume that romance novel heroines know how to masturbate.
  
• If readers know how to masturbate, and characters can be presumed to be masturbating, and if reading about masturbation in a romance novel isn't sexy (we have no way of knowing what percentage of readers think it is), and it doesn't emphasize much more than that Character A thinks Character B is hawt, why put it in?

Okay, so I finished Arm Candy by Jo Leigh last night.  If there was a check-list of plot points, scenes, and internal monologues designed to show that a romance novel heroine is fully capable of taking care of her own sexuality, this novel ticked all the boxes.  Jessica masturbates (coincidentally achieving a simultaneous orgasm with the hero when he masturbates elsewhere), she talks about masturbation, she tells the hero her favorite masturbatory fantasy, and she owns a "Bob" (acronym for Battery Operated Boyfriend).

Here's I didn't find in Arm Candy:  enough romance.  They're a lovely couple, but the relationship was 65% about sex, 25% having sex, and 10% analysis of how the relationship should go on.  All the "mushy stuff" happens off-screen at the very end of the book.  In the last ten pages, we learn that they miss each other, they think about each other, they have a hard time staying in the negotiated format for their relationship . . . and then, boom, they're going to marry.  If romance novels had soundtracks, this one was missing the swelling strings and Celine Dion singing, "My Heart Will Go On" at the end.

Still, I'm a proponent for a wide range of romances and novel types to be available, and one that ticks all the boxes on the Sexually Self-Fulfilling Heroine check-list clearly has its place.  As do masturbation scenes.  I won't file Arm Candy on my keeper shelf, but it's enough that others will.